I watched 'the Secret Millionaire' the other night and the content has kept nagging away at me, so here's my response.
In the programme, former MD of Rover, 57-year-old entrepeneur Kevin Morley takes up the case of a group working to help homeless families, something which I think many of us may overlook as a part of deprivation and poverty. Watching two families, with different issues but having the same result - homelessness and the helplessness that goes with it struggling to just survive bought home how hard it must be for the kids to manage the rigours and normality of school life.
Faced with one room living, eating and sleeping with 3 children is no mean feat, coping with your own issues, guilt and fears as well as trying to put on a good face for the kids must be a conflict from hell. The support these families got was just a life raft, it was thrown out, but often they had to struggle within what they had been given to make it work.
I try to imagine keeping children and bedding clean as well as trying to feed and entertain lively children when you are really struggling mentally to just keep your head above water and doing all this on your own in social housing, with little support. Watching a single dad who had struggled with depression and losing his job and dignity talk about having to leave all his possessions and furniture in the last bedsit as it was completely infested with bed mites. Watching his children sleeping within this infestation. It was like something out of the Dickensian era, not the 21st century. Listening as his children talked about how little that mattered now they had a nice place to live - even though it was devoid of any furniture, bedding or toys. A five year old, as well as a 7 and 8 old have had to cope with this when dad was unable to manage as a father.
I can imagine a parents' evening, perhaps discussing the difficulties the children are having in school - disorganised, often tired, without homework completed, no pe kit, no pens and pencils, disruptive and so on. It's essential we take the context into account when looking at how our kids are struggling and really try to walk in their moccasins before we lay our standardised, middle class values and expectations on them and their families.
More often than not, these kids need a decent meal or breakfast, and many schools now provide this. They may need help with getting their clothes clean for school and finding PE kit before the embarrassment of the lesson itself, and homework may be just a step too far from their reality to really be of value. Even having somewhere to have a short nap during the day can be so valuable to their wellbeing.
You can imagine the mutterings:
If their dad just went out and got himself a job, his children wouldn't have to wear....., sleep in a place like ...., have to be given so much support ..... and on it goes.
Until WE have had to live like that, I don't think we can really comment on what they should or shouldn't be doing - they're just surviving the best way they know. All they need is support. Unconditional, non-judgemental support without blame or finger pointing until they can lift their heads up and start to cope for themselves.
I truly believe there are many children in our schools who are aggressively defensive towards their family position and would rather make a great fuss and be excluded than for their peers to really see how they are struggling.
There's a great social stigma attached to poverty in our schools and the kids will claim to have empathy for Africa and 3rd world poverty, but when it gets too close, or sits next to you, it becomes something to reject, to walk away from and perhaps begin to judge.
I remember the very strong, outspoken, but well liked head of canteen in a secondary school I worked in setting a great example for all to follow. One of the year 8 girls, with unkempt hair, poor social skills and clearly an outsider for her age was sat chatting to me as I had a breakfast snack. I had noticed her unease around the other children and offered her a seat, which she took. As the session came to a close, the head of canteen called the girl over and asked if she'd had any breakfast. No was the answer and a plate of food was duly served up. I ensured she had no problems with her next teacher over lateness.
I spoke to the head of canteen later that day and she explained that this little 12 year old girl had been a carer all her life, looking after mum at the expense of her own life. Her 5 year old brother was autistic and she had to take on much of that role too, including getting him ready and getting him to school. So when we think of lateness, uniform, homework and all those things discussed earlier, doesn't it make sense to get the child right first and then see if they're ready for learning, rather than push them into learning and react when it all goes wrong, as it surely does.
Now there are many schools who really do consider the child first and support the children brilliantly, and many of those are in the Primary sector. When we get to the secondary age kids and even more so when they begin exam courses, we seem to revert to a dictatorial, rigorous, target driven environment which has sometimes become depersonalised and hostile to the wellbeing of our young people. I just wonder where this all fits in with the SEAL programme (Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning)?
10% of children between 5 and 15 years of age have a mental disorder of some sort and I feel we have somehow forgotten this statistic when we see things going wrong.
I still refer back to the 5 principles I use and wonder how many we forget in our day to day dealings
CARE SHARE LOVE TRUST RESPECT
I welcome comments on this
First published 24 March 2009
In the programme, former MD of Rover, 57-year-old entrepeneur Kevin Morley takes up the case of a group working to help homeless families, something which I think many of us may overlook as a part of deprivation and poverty. Watching two families, with different issues but having the same result - homelessness and the helplessness that goes with it struggling to just survive bought home how hard it must be for the kids to manage the rigours and normality of school life.
Faced with one room living, eating and sleeping with 3 children is no mean feat, coping with your own issues, guilt and fears as well as trying to put on a good face for the kids must be a conflict from hell. The support these families got was just a life raft, it was thrown out, but often they had to struggle within what they had been given to make it work.
I try to imagine keeping children and bedding clean as well as trying to feed and entertain lively children when you are really struggling mentally to just keep your head above water and doing all this on your own in social housing, with little support. Watching a single dad who had struggled with depression and losing his job and dignity talk about having to leave all his possessions and furniture in the last bedsit as it was completely infested with bed mites. Watching his children sleeping within this infestation. It was like something out of the Dickensian era, not the 21st century. Listening as his children talked about how little that mattered now they had a nice place to live - even though it was devoid of any furniture, bedding or toys. A five year old, as well as a 7 and 8 old have had to cope with this when dad was unable to manage as a father.
I can imagine a parents' evening, perhaps discussing the difficulties the children are having in school - disorganised, often tired, without homework completed, no pe kit, no pens and pencils, disruptive and so on. It's essential we take the context into account when looking at how our kids are struggling and really try to walk in their moccasins before we lay our standardised, middle class values and expectations on them and their families.
More often than not, these kids need a decent meal or breakfast, and many schools now provide this. They may need help with getting their clothes clean for school and finding PE kit before the embarrassment of the lesson itself, and homework may be just a step too far from their reality to really be of value. Even having somewhere to have a short nap during the day can be so valuable to their wellbeing.
You can imagine the mutterings:
If their dad just went out and got himself a job, his children wouldn't have to wear....., sleep in a place like ...., have to be given so much support ..... and on it goes.
Until WE have had to live like that, I don't think we can really comment on what they should or shouldn't be doing - they're just surviving the best way they know. All they need is support. Unconditional, non-judgemental support without blame or finger pointing until they can lift their heads up and start to cope for themselves.
I truly believe there are many children in our schools who are aggressively defensive towards their family position and would rather make a great fuss and be excluded than for their peers to really see how they are struggling.
There's a great social stigma attached to poverty in our schools and the kids will claim to have empathy for Africa and 3rd world poverty, but when it gets too close, or sits next to you, it becomes something to reject, to walk away from and perhaps begin to judge.
I remember the very strong, outspoken, but well liked head of canteen in a secondary school I worked in setting a great example for all to follow. One of the year 8 girls, with unkempt hair, poor social skills and clearly an outsider for her age was sat chatting to me as I had a breakfast snack. I had noticed her unease around the other children and offered her a seat, which she took. As the session came to a close, the head of canteen called the girl over and asked if she'd had any breakfast. No was the answer and a plate of food was duly served up. I ensured she had no problems with her next teacher over lateness.
I spoke to the head of canteen later that day and she explained that this little 12 year old girl had been a carer all her life, looking after mum at the expense of her own life. Her 5 year old brother was autistic and she had to take on much of that role too, including getting him ready and getting him to school. So when we think of lateness, uniform, homework and all those things discussed earlier, doesn't it make sense to get the child right first and then see if they're ready for learning, rather than push them into learning and react when it all goes wrong, as it surely does.
Now there are many schools who really do consider the child first and support the children brilliantly, and many of those are in the Primary sector. When we get to the secondary age kids and even more so when they begin exam courses, we seem to revert to a dictatorial, rigorous, target driven environment which has sometimes become depersonalised and hostile to the wellbeing of our young people. I just wonder where this all fits in with the SEAL programme (Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning)?
10% of children between 5 and 15 years of age have a mental disorder of some sort and I feel we have somehow forgotten this statistic when we see things going wrong.
I still refer back to the 5 principles I use and wonder how many we forget in our day to day dealings
CARE SHARE LOVE TRUST RESPECT
I welcome comments on this
First published 24 March 2009